Definitions of Family

Family.

That word is multi-faceted and the people that I have come to associate with it do not all fit the “traditional” western interpretation of the term. So, I thought now would be a good time to introduce those people who make up my Family.  In the weeks and months to come I am sure each of them will have their stories told  But, for now a simple introduction will serve.

In the beginning....

I suppose I should begin with my grandmother Mecca. As her name implies she is the center of my family and the bond that unites us all. No matter where I am in the world, I can turn to her and feel a sense of peace and calm. That is not to say that Mecca is always tranquil. Sometimes she can be as full of rage and turmoil as any of the rest of us. Her past is full of both beauty and struggle, and the years have brought her greater wisdom, if not greater fortune.

It is from Mecca that Isis was born.  (This is my blog and my rules, so please don't try to come at me with the accuracy of my mythology and geographic history.  Thanks.  The Management).  Isis had it pretty rough growing up.  I will probably do a entire post on her alone, but for now I will stick to the basics.  She was the goddess who controlled all the major forces in my life, but like most gods, that also meant she was usually to busy running shit to intervene directly in my life.  It has only been in the last few years that I have begun to understand the mythos of my mother.  To see her as more than figure.  To recognize her as a person.

I have four siblings: Bigger, Blackbird, Pandora, and Confusion.  The boys are older and the girls are young, which leaves me smack dab in the middle.  I shall introduce them in turn.

The Boys

Bigger like his namesake, grew up filled with a rage he didn't quite understand, and thus was not able to fully control.  And like Bigger, he has wound up behind a set of steel bars.  Blackbird is a a pretty slick cat (mixed metaphor, so what bite me).  Unfortunately, Blackbird never really learned how to fly, mostly because people kept his wings clipped.  He never really had a lot of encouragement to succeed and follow his passions because his interest (b-ball and art) were regulated to pipedreams by my kin.  As he has gotten older though, his feathers have grown out and he has begun to test his wings.

The Girls

Pandora was the center of my world growing up and in a lot of ways still is my touchstone for home.  When she was a little girl, I gladly stepped into the role of big brother and her happiness was synonymous with my own.  Sadly as we have grown older, the kindness in our relationship has been replaced by an animosity and combative energy that I struggle to understand, but find myself helpless to resist.  Confusion is the baby and to be honest most of us don't really know what to do with her.  She is really trying to figure herself out and keeps drawing a blank.  I know in the end she will find her way, but in the meantime I worry.

(Side note, both Blackbird and Confusion are really my half cousins, but they were informally adopted by Isis.  Confused yet?)

This is where things get more interesting, because like most members of Negrocity (Negro Society), I entertain a host of play siblings and cousins.  If you don't know what a "play cousin" is here is urban dictionary for you.

1. play cousin
n. someone who you growed up around, who you know like family but ain't related to yaz.

These are my closest friends and confidants and they make up my High Council.

The High Council

I never really thought about it until now, but the Council is pretty much made up of women.  My little band of Amazonians, who give me advice on life.  The High Council is really governed for the most part by Peaches, Black Laces, Bella Bilar, Pinay,  Tigress, Eb, and Profesora.  I met Peaches, Black Laces, and Bella Bilar in my college days and they were a large part of how I made it through.  I really don't see them as much as I would like and have been working on visiting more frequently and I am sure that they are about ready to kick my ass for my negligence.  Pinay, Tigress,  Eb, and Profesora have known me since my Cali days and I can still turn to them to remember the old days and to share in the shit I find myself in now.

There are a handful of others who sometimes attend meetings of the High Council and there are definitely a few new editions that I think will be nominated for lifetime appointments (Pixie and Bubbles for example).  There are also three guys who have been voting members of the High Council from time to time: Waru (The Lost One), Puck (The Betrayer), and Apollo (The Fallen).

So these are my people. The ones who keep me going in more ways than they could possibly imagine.

My Family.

Letter from the Maestro

I just finished up my last show of the year and Maestro has a few words so I am going to give him the floor.

Fuck haters. If you aren't a triple threat don't just hate on someone who is, get off your ass and work on your skills. And to any and all who who tried to throw Golden Boy status on me, you can kiss the tips of my locks and bow down. Despite commentary from the reincarnation of Countee Cullen (let's call him Cee-Cee for short) I was not the self-obsessed performer you would like me to be so you can feel justified in your jealousy. I am just a good performer something you should recognize since your such a good one too. The only difference between the two of us is that I prefer to limit my acting to the stage and not extend it to my life beyond the proscenium. Your lucky I am the one talking because we all know Mercutio has a whole lotta other shit to say about Cee-Cee. I will say this much though, despite all the tension behind closed doors, we did manage to put on a good show. I guess drama is an expected side effect of working in the arts.

Now that Maestro has gotten some stuff of his chest there has been some good news. One of the FATES came to visit this weekend with another close friends, Bella, came through as well. It was good timing as you can tell because a couple of the voices were starting to get a little pissed off. As always they brought a little sun and fun into my life and I am planning on seeing them again real soon.

ROAD TRIP...but first, I gotta get paid.

Talking to the Moon

Growing up isn't easy. It sounds like a cliche until you are actually going through it and that shit hits you like a ton of bricks. All I know is that the last few years have not been the easiest for me (but who ever said life was easy right?) but even with all the crap I am still here; breathing and making it more or less mostly due to help of some folks close to my heart.

There are three women who have strangely enough have become like the FATES to me, although they aren't really connected to each except through me. I met them at different places and different times, but each one of them has brought her own special brand of balance to my life. Let's call them Star, World, and Moon. (More on each later, I promise).

Anyway I talked to the Moon today for the first time in a long time and she told me some things that got me thinking.

I am originally a Cali Boy but have been kind of nomadic for a while. Moon has known me the longest of the FATES so she knows all about me back when the West Coast was all I knew. She also knew me when I was struggling to figure out who my real friends are (still working on that one.) There has been one friend in particular that I have been stuck trying to figure out for a long time now: Waru.

Waru and Moon used to be good friends too, so she has a good perspective on things. Since I was going through this whole "who really is worth keeping" thing on top of being the victim of some serious backstabbing...I was on the look out for a new best friend. Now me and Waru were old friends. Not the best of friends, but I thought pretty good. So I thought he would be the perfect replacement. Yeah I know dumb right.

So I tried to force our friendship and now later I have realized that it may not have been a good idea. Moon happened to run into Waru and she found out some interesting things about his perspective on the issue. To sum it up he felt like I was trying to push him to be like family and in al honesty he has a huge phobia of relationship of any kind, romantic and platonic.

Moon had tried to set me straight from the jump, but I was stubborn to be real...lonely and I missed having that feeling of brotherhood with somebody else.

All this got me to thinking about the difference between wanting something from someone else and dealing with the reality of what they can give you. With Waru I was so fixed on what I needed I didn't give a shit about REALITY.

Talking to Moon today, I realized that I am okay (or at least getting close to became okay) with the fact that I have a lot of associates, but a small number of real friends. Don't get me wrong, it ain't bad to be an associate. It doesn't mean we can hang out, have a good time, occasional share a profound thought and a good laugh, it just means I don't look to that person for emotional support and for some sanity when I can't contain all the voices in my head.

Moon had been trying to explain this to me for a while, but it has only just now really begun to sink in. What can I say. I am a slow learner.

Dusting off my Soapbox

So I woke up this morning, started packing up the remnants of my life for the past 4 years, and it hit me that "shit this is it." Another chapter of my life done and now what. So I sat down and pulled out my trusty BLACK BOOK (the keeper of my inner thoughts) and tried to sort through where I've been in order to figure out where I need to be.

For those of you who have been at one of these crossroads, you can probably guess that despite my determination to sort some shit out, very little made it from my mind to the page. So I did what most people do in this situation and ignored my feelings of trepidation and went on about my day.

So what does that have to do with this blog...

To be honest not much, but I figured folks might like to know that my life is very far from together so don't expect a slue of prolific thoughts to ease your soul. There will be no wise proverbs or clever insights into life (well maybe just a few, we all have our moments). Instead, I think I want to use this blog as a means of sorting through the often chaotic aspects of my life.

So here is my first attempt.

I wasn't given a middle name when I was born (a family tradition on my father Red's side more on his trifling ass later) so over the years my friends have given me a bunch of substitute middle names; one for each of my many personalities. I was talking to one of my best friends Black Laces and told her I thought it would be funny if they ever met one and other. She told me it's a good thing they can't cause that would just be too damn extra and we had a good laugh. But afterwards I was really curious about what they might say to one and other...strange I know, but here me out.

In order to ease the publics introduction to the inner workings of my mind I have reduced the personalities down to three: Maestro, Mahlik, and Mercutio. I hope you have as much fun with them as I do. Maybe if I give them a venue to speak they will stop driving me crazy.

Now don't make that face. I told you from the beginning that I didn't have my shit together.

So here are a few ground rules on how I (and my 3 alter egos) plan on running things.

YES. I will talk about people I know and myself as honestly as possible
NO. I wont use their real names (so stop worrying about it).
YES. I will try to post frequently, but do know that this brother has a job (or at least is on the hunt for one that should be coming through some day soon) so cut me some slack if I disappear for awhile.
NO. I will not post up nude photos of myself (you can't get all this caramel goodness for free)

Things I will talk about: EVERYTHING. Art, poetry, films, pop-culture, politics, sex, drugs, and music. I run in a lot of circles and most of the people I know have been through some serious shit and I think it's about damn time that folks get to hear some real shit about life. About the pains and the joys, the highs and the lows, and all that jazz.

For now, lights out.