Letter from the Maestro

I just finished up my last show of the year and Maestro has a few words so I am going to give him the floor.

Fuck haters. If you aren't a triple threat don't just hate on someone who is, get off your ass and work on your skills. And to any and all who who tried to throw Golden Boy status on me, you can kiss the tips of my locks and bow down. Despite commentary from the reincarnation of Countee Cullen (let's call him Cee-Cee for short) I was not the self-obsessed performer you would like me to be so you can feel justified in your jealousy. I am just a good performer something you should recognize since your such a good one too. The only difference between the two of us is that I prefer to limit my acting to the stage and not extend it to my life beyond the proscenium. Your lucky I am the one talking because we all know Mercutio has a whole lotta other shit to say about Cee-Cee. I will say this much though, despite all the tension behind closed doors, we did manage to put on a good show. I guess drama is an expected side effect of working in the arts.

Now that Maestro has gotten some stuff of his chest there has been some good news. One of the FATES came to visit this weekend with another close friends, Bella, came through as well. It was good timing as you can tell because a couple of the voices were starting to get a little pissed off. As always they brought a little sun and fun into my life and I am planning on seeing them again real soon.

ROAD TRIP...but first, I gotta get paid.

Talking to the Moon

Growing up isn't easy. It sounds like a cliche until you are actually going through it and that shit hits you like a ton of bricks. All I know is that the last few years have not been the easiest for me (but who ever said life was easy right?) but even with all the crap I am still here; breathing and making it more or less mostly due to help of some folks close to my heart.

There are three women who have strangely enough have become like the FATES to me, although they aren't really connected to each except through me. I met them at different places and different times, but each one of them has brought her own special brand of balance to my life. Let's call them Star, World, and Moon. (More on each later, I promise).

Anyway I talked to the Moon today for the first time in a long time and she told me some things that got me thinking.

I am originally a Cali Boy but have been kind of nomadic for a while. Moon has known me the longest of the FATES so she knows all about me back when the West Coast was all I knew. She also knew me when I was struggling to figure out who my real friends are (still working on that one.) There has been one friend in particular that I have been stuck trying to figure out for a long time now: Waru.

Waru and Moon used to be good friends too, so she has a good perspective on things. Since I was going through this whole "who really is worth keeping" thing on top of being the victim of some serious backstabbing...I was on the look out for a new best friend. Now me and Waru were old friends. Not the best of friends, but I thought pretty good. So I thought he would be the perfect replacement. Yeah I know dumb right.

So I tried to force our friendship and now later I have realized that it may not have been a good idea. Moon happened to run into Waru and she found out some interesting things about his perspective on the issue. To sum it up he felt like I was trying to push him to be like family and in al honesty he has a huge phobia of relationship of any kind, romantic and platonic.

Moon had tried to set me straight from the jump, but I was stubborn to be real...lonely and I missed having that feeling of brotherhood with somebody else.

All this got me to thinking about the difference between wanting something from someone else and dealing with the reality of what they can give you. With Waru I was so fixed on what I needed I didn't give a shit about REALITY.

Talking to Moon today, I realized that I am okay (or at least getting close to became okay) with the fact that I have a lot of associates, but a small number of real friends. Don't get me wrong, it ain't bad to be an associate. It doesn't mean we can hang out, have a good time, occasional share a profound thought and a good laugh, it just means I don't look to that person for emotional support and for some sanity when I can't contain all the voices in my head.

Moon had been trying to explain this to me for a while, but it has only just now really begun to sink in. What can I say. I am a slow learner.