I stood shivering in the rain outside the hospital. My throat was raw from the sobs that had racked my body for that last hour. I was spent and alone in the dark, but I could not go back to that room.
“God,” I whispered through chattering teeth.
“Why?” I asked. “Why?”
I looked up to the heavens, but the only answer I got in return was a rumble of distant thunder and the pitter-patter of rain on my face.
“Fuck!!! FUCK YOU!!!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. It was clear my questions and threats were going to go equally unanswered.
I had to escape. It did not matter where I wound up I just had to get as far away from this place as possible. I chose a direction at random and began walking. By this point my clothes were completely soaked, but I did not care. I did not care about my clothes, the rain, or anything. I just needed to keep moving, to do something other than sit and wait.
“Is this Mr. Dupri?”
Cars zoomed by me as I wondered along the side of the road lost in the haze my thoughts. My path zig zagged on and off the sidewalk as I replayed the night in my head.
“Mr. Dupri, sir. There has been an accident…”
The sound of a blaring car horn startled me back into reality. I hesitated for a breathe as the car barreled towards me, but jumped back onto the sidewalk expelling the air from my lungs. This was no good. I could feel the helplessness of earlier creeping back to the surface threatening to unsettle my momentary composure.
I looked on either side of the street and spotted a bar with its lights still on. I darted across the street, this time paying careful attention to the oncoming traffic. There was light music seeping out of the bar onto the street outside.
There wasn’t a bouncer so I just walked in and grabbed a seat at the bar and looked around. It was nearly empty except for a couple sitting at a table in the corner and a few old timers sitting at the end of the bar talking to the bartender. It was exactly what I needed.
“Well you look like shit,” one of the old guys barked with a grin. “Didn’t your mama teach you to come in out of the rain. You are as wet as a dog.”
I looked down at my soaked clothes, “I guess your right.”
“Lay off the boy Mike,” the bartender said as he walked over to me.
“What ya havin’?” he asked.
“Jack. Straight up,” I replied.
I watched as he poured the drink and handed it to me.
The lobby smelled like Lysol and I could feel my hands sweating.
“So, what you doin’ at a bar in the middle of the week looking like you feel in a pool wit ya clothes on?”
“If you don’t mind, I didn’t really come here for conversation.” I spat back.
“Have it yo way. You just looked like you needed to talk a bit,” he said.
You can go in, but you should prepare yourself
I downed the whiskey and let its warmth thaw the chill in my chest before responding.
“What is the use of talking it won’t change shit,” I said. “All I want to do right now is have you refill my glass. That would be a big help. And this time make it a double.”
I offered him a crooked grin that didn’t reach my eyes along with my now empty glass. He gave me a look, not buying my bullshit grin for a minute, and refilled my glass. I picked it up I knocked it back without a wince.
“One more please. You can put this one on ice,” I said smooth as silk.
The bartender simply poured and headed back to the old timers. I wrapped my hands around the glass and stared at the amber liquid.
I stood in front of the door trying to will myself to take one more step.
I took a sip from my glass. I could feel the effect of my previous two shoots starting to take effect and sighed as I could feel my mind drifting off. Hiding from that room even in my thoughts.
***
I don’t remember how long I staid at the bar, but I do know I was good and drunk when I left. The bartender wanted to call me a cab, but I refused and stumbled my way back down the street. The walk seemed even longer on the return trip and by the time I got back to the hospital my legs were about to give out.
It took all of my remaining focus to retrace my earlier steps back through the winding corridors of the hospital. Left. Right. Left. Right. Until, I found myself standing back outside the door just as lost as before. My hand trembled as I reached for the door handle, but I willed it still. I opened the door, took a breathe, and walked in.
-----------------
I promise to reveal who is in the bed at the hospital in the next chapter. Lol, I know I have been dragging it out a bit, but I was trying to decide between a few things that I hope will make the wait worth it.
