I don't even know where to start it has been so long. I started this blog a year ago when it was the trendy thing to do and although it started off kind of fresh you can see from my lack of entries that the experience grew a little stale.

The past year has been an interesting one to say the least. As seems to always be the case, it was a year full of life lessons I would rather have read about than have experienced, but we must all bow to the will of the Higher Powers. Too much has happened to change me and reshape me in the last year for me to capture it all in one entry, so I wont try. Instead, I think I will take some time over the next few days to go over the biggest moments. For now, I think I will step off the stage to give Mahlik a moment to share his thoughts on civic engagement in the new millennium.

For now peace.

- I.M.

As I was doing my daily scan of the latest issus making their rounds through the blogsphere something struck a cord. That something was the wise words from my girl Shark-Fu over at AngryBlackBitch. Now don't let the name fool ya into underestimating this one, she is on point and her latest two cents was on the new health care reform bil and more importantly the bullshit circus that has cropped up around it.

First off, let us a take a moment to reflect on the fact that the US has only now decided it might be in the best interest of the American people to invest in the creation of some sort of nationalized health care system.

,,,really?

I mean don't we want to hang on to or proud status as the only liberal democracy in the WORLD without some form of a national health care program.

Now my main issue here is not to talk shit about how long it has taken our lawmakers to conclude that maybe we should find a way to provide better and more coverage for our citizens. Nor do I wish to talk shit about those people who have legitimate concerns about how the policy with take shape, be funded, and be regulated. These areall valid concerns. What the real problem as Shark-fu identified is that the, the people with legitiimate concerns are being drowned out by the angry and often irrational crowds that have flocked to protest at the Town HALL meetings being held around the country. I find that the peope with concerns who are not trying to get involved in the issue to be far more offensive than the misguided souls who are angry without a real understanding of what is at stake.

Now you might want to suggest I am being an uppity Negro, but the point is that the last decade we have had an opportunity to exercise our collective power to demonstrate our deep desire for better conduct from our elected officials and have done jack shit outside of electing ourselves a Black Man as president and patting ourselves on the back for demonstrating how post racial we all are...excuse me.

Fuck all that noise and let's have real talk. As a citizen you have not only the option but the duty to do more than vote. Our access points to the political landscape are not confined to the ballot box. Go to meetings. Write/call your representatives. We need to use the system instead of letting the system fuck us and saying thank you for the molestation of our rights. Whether you agree with reform or not, stop sitting on your ass and lets have a national debate about this shit instead of trying to find ways to gain political points and demonizr the "socialist lefties" for trying to find a way to provide care for the thousands of uninsured people living in America today.

Fuck that false sense of accoplishment. Here is an aidea, how about we stop pretending everything is fine and acually find away to make this shit happen.

- Mahlik

Letter from the Maestro

I just finished up my last show of the year and Maestro has a few words so I am going to give him the floor.

Fuck haters. If you aren't a triple threat don't just hate on someone who is, get off your ass and work on your skills. And to any and all who who tried to throw Golden Boy status on me, you can kiss the tips of my locks and bow down. Despite commentary from the reincarnation of Countee Cullen (let's call him Cee-Cee for short) I was not the self-obsessed performer you would like me to be so you can feel justified in your jealousy. I am just a good performer something you should recognize since your such a good one too. The only difference between the two of us is that I prefer to limit my acting to the stage and not extend it to my life beyond the proscenium. Your lucky I am the one talking because we all know Mercutio has a whole lotta other shit to say about Cee-Cee. I will say this much though, despite all the tension behind closed doors, we did manage to put on a good show. I guess drama is an expected side effect of working in the arts.

Now that Maestro has gotten some stuff of his chest there has been some good news. One of the FATES came to visit this weekend with another close friends, Bella, came through as well. It was good timing as you can tell because a couple of the voices were starting to get a little pissed off. As always they brought a little sun and fun into my life and I am planning on seeing them again real soon.

ROAD TRIP...but first, I gotta get paid.

Talking to the Moon

Growing up isn't easy. It sounds like a cliche until you are actually going through it and that shit hits you like a ton of bricks. All I know is that the last few years have not been the easiest for me (but who ever said life was easy right?) but even with all the crap I am still here; breathing and making it more or less mostly due to help of some folks close to my heart.

There are three women who have strangely enough have become like the FATES to me, although they aren't really connected to each except through me. I met them at different places and different times, but each one of them has brought her own special brand of balance to my life. Let's call them Star, World, and Moon. (More on each later, I promise).

Anyway I talked to the Moon today for the first time in a long time and she told me some things that got me thinking.

I am originally a Cali Boy but have been kind of nomadic for a while. Moon has known me the longest of the FATES so she knows all about me back when the West Coast was all I knew. She also knew me when I was struggling to figure out who my real friends are (still working on that one.) There has been one friend in particular that I have been stuck trying to figure out for a long time now: Waru.

Waru and Moon used to be good friends too, so she has a good perspective on things. Since I was going through this whole "who really is worth keeping" thing on top of being the victim of some serious backstabbing...I was on the look out for a new best friend. Now me and Waru were old friends. Not the best of friends, but I thought pretty good. So I thought he would be the perfect replacement. Yeah I know dumb right.

So I tried to force our friendship and now later I have realized that it may not have been a good idea. Moon happened to run into Waru and she found out some interesting things about his perspective on the issue. To sum it up he felt like I was trying to push him to be like family and in al honesty he has a huge phobia of relationship of any kind, romantic and platonic.

Moon had tried to set me straight from the jump, but I was stubborn to be real...lonely and I missed having that feeling of brotherhood with somebody else.

All this got me to thinking about the difference between wanting something from someone else and dealing with the reality of what they can give you. With Waru I was so fixed on what I needed I didn't give a shit about REALITY.

Talking to Moon today, I realized that I am okay (or at least getting close to became okay) with the fact that I have a lot of associates, but a small number of real friends. Don't get me wrong, it ain't bad to be an associate. It doesn't mean we can hang out, have a good time, occasional share a profound thought and a good laugh, it just means I don't look to that person for emotional support and for some sanity when I can't contain all the voices in my head.

Moon had been trying to explain this to me for a while, but it has only just now really begun to sink in. What can I say. I am a slow learner.

Dusting off my Soapbox

So I woke up this morning, started packing up the remnants of my life for the past 4 years, and it hit me that "shit this is it." Another chapter of my life done and now what. So I sat down and pulled out my trusty BLACK BOOK (the keeper of my inner thoughts) and tried to sort through where I've been in order to figure out where I need to be.

For those of you who have been at one of these crossroads, you can probably guess that despite my determination to sort some shit out, very little made it from my mind to the page. So I did what most people do in this situation and ignored my feelings of trepidation and went on about my day.

So what does that have to do with this blog...

To be honest not much, but I figured folks might like to know that my life is very far from together so don't expect a slue of prolific thoughts to ease your soul. There will be no wise proverbs or clever insights into life (well maybe just a few, we all have our moments). Instead, I think I want to use this blog as a means of sorting through the often chaotic aspects of my life.

So here is my first attempt.

I wasn't given a middle name when I was born (a family tradition on my father Red's side more on his trifling ass later) so over the years my friends have given me a bunch of substitute middle names; one for each of my many personalities. I was talking to one of my best friends Black Laces and told her I thought it would be funny if they ever met one and other. She told me it's a good thing they can't cause that would just be too damn extra and we had a good laugh. But afterwards I was really curious about what they might say to one and other...strange I know, but here me out.

In order to ease the publics introduction to the inner workings of my mind I have reduced the personalities down to three: Maestro, Mahlik, and Mercutio. I hope you have as much fun with them as I do. Maybe if I give them a venue to speak they will stop driving me crazy.

Now don't make that face. I told you from the beginning that I didn't have my shit together.

So here are a few ground rules on how I (and my 3 alter egos) plan on running things.

YES. I will talk about people I know and myself as honestly as possible
NO. I wont use their real names (so stop worrying about it).
YES. I will try to post frequently, but do know that this brother has a job (or at least is on the hunt for one that should be coming through some day soon) so cut me some slack if I disappear for awhile.
NO. I will not post up nude photos of myself (you can't get all this caramel goodness for free)

Things I will talk about: EVERYTHING. Art, poetry, films, pop-culture, politics, sex, drugs, and music. I run in a lot of circles and most of the people I know have been through some serious shit and I think it's about damn time that folks get to hear some real shit about life. About the pains and the joys, the highs and the lows, and all that jazz.

For now, lights out.